"You'll end up real disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you".
It really resonated with me and I expect a lot of people can relate to it as well. If you have read any of my blog before you may know that last weekend I went down South to Loughborough to visit friends. I lived in Loughborough between October 2011 and December 2012 and genuinely had some of the best times of my life. I was also very fortunate to make some extremely good friends. So you can see why I was desperate to visit; plus it gets hard living so far away from friends and family I like to try and see them when I can. Anyway I went down at quite an expense in time, money and effort (see Budget September post!) but excited nonetheless.
It is quite hard to articulate the next part and I'm conscious that I may upset some people too. But here goes...
I don't belong there anymore. I felt a little like this the last time I visited too - last weekend 100% cemented how I felt. What happened? Well nothing - people's lives go on just like mine has. I was down from 8:30 am Saturday to 7:30 pm Sunday - plenty of time to catch up with people you'd think. Well I managed one quality catch up. With the friend I was staying with. No one else had 'time'. This is where the quote is particularly relevant. I expended time, money and effort and did not receive in return.
My question is, when and why does this happen? Friends you used to be inseparable from now seem less than interested (and I am not just talking about Loughborough now). It happens at all points of life and in all walks of life I am sure. It is like a relationship when one person goes off the other and there is an imbalance. Interestingly like relationships with a partner there is usually another person involved; a boyfriend, husband, child, new BFF, work colleagues...
People's lives change at different rates. My friends at home are all in the marriage/baby making stage of their life. My friends from uni are carving careers, settling down. My athlete friends are committing their time to achieving their sporting potential. What am I doing? Well something between carving a successful career, achieving sporting potential and most importantly living life. So why am I willing to maintain friendships when others are not?
I think a lot of it comes from priorities and perspective. You see I have moved from the Isle of Wight to Bath to Loughborough to Colchester to Stirling to Edinburgh where I currently live. Whilst my family are the best in the world I am scarily independent and pretty much self-sufficient, not needing to depend on anyone. It all means that there's a big element of freedom in my world. But again that is a choice. I have a full time job, train 6 x a week and a social life here in Edinburgh too.
So I am quite happy to lead a hectic and full on life. I travel about and don't make a big deal about it. I take the decison to spend my money on travel because for me seeing friends and family is worth it. People are what matter. I moved away so to an extent I need to work hard to maintain relationships. But there's no way it's ok for it to be as one way as I'm experiencing.
It's very sad but from speaking to people I believe that this in fact is the way it goes. A shame but acceptance will help prevent further disappointment. So next time I have a wobble here I'll remember where to find comfort. Right here. With my new 'pals' :)
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