My relationship has just broken up. So naturally I am taking to blogging (may regret this). It wasn't a serious one, I was not in love, not even in lust, to be honest I wasn't even happy. So the ice cream remains in the freezer and I am not incapacitated with grief. But it still sucks. I'd say it was a mutual breakup - almost. Unfortunately I did not get to utter the words to sever ties; I just set myself up to be 'dumped' by text because I made the fatal error of giving him the opportunity one last time to NOT be a coward/immature dickhead. Mistake. Guess that gives you a good idea of the type of guy I was in a relationship with.
Anyway enough dwelling. It's not like I hadn't thought countless times about ending it - it really is for the best. But it has made me think. I spent over a year with this guy from start to finish. We weren't official for all that time - just the past couple of months when we decided to 'see how things went'. But I'd say that for the majority of that time I was treated worse than I deserved. It's cliche isn't it but when something like this happens all your friends rally around and say 'you deserve better, you're better off etc. etc.' You don't usually hear it from his friends though... And that is a small condolence. I just wish I'd not given him so many chances - enough was enough and I should have called it rather than be an adult and work through it.
So why did I spend over a year being treated like second best. There was also another guy in this time (not at the same time) who also favored the 'treat Kim like crap' approach. Any of you that know me will probably be surprised... I don't really take crap. And I can't really provide an answer. The thing is like a lot of girls I fall for the bad boys. Not really bad lol. No drugs/crime/beating - just the arrogant/cocky athlete type. The type of person who will NEVER put you first or even consider you in their grand plans. And inevitably it never ends well...for me. But the thing is, nice guys (who do all the things I want) annoy me after a while. I am pretty independent; don't like people getting too involved, like to be in charge. Historically niceness unnerves me, so I push it away. How fucked up is that? Must change.
Now before any of you start getting really concerned for me because I am saying I was treated rubbish, stop. I wasn't abused, hurt (physically), and I am not especially distraught. I am talking about the basics of being in a relationship. That was what was 'missing' to quote said ex-boyfriend, you just couldn't bring yourself to make the effort.
So future boyfriends only apply if you can cope (lol) with the following: You're all about to read how demanding I am... ;)
affection (not so much in public)
caring for the other person
taking an interest in their life
decent communication
common courtesy e.g. not being on your phone ALL the time
make time for each other
fun!
I copied that list from my phone. I wrote it on the 12th October.... Near the start of November (after my birthday - no card, ignored me on my birthday, sigh) I went through all of this with him. Cause you know I'd done enough whining to my friends and thought maybe he just doesn't know. Sadly almost two months later he does know but didn't feel the need to change his behaviour. I guess overall it comes back on me; he just wasn't that interested/we weren't right for one another.
So yea, all I want for Christmas is someone willing to bring all of the above to the table (over time). And while I am at it my New Year's resolution will be to try and be nicer to nice guys. There's got to be something in it. And no under 25's or athletes! I am ready for a happy ending.
No comments:
Post a Comment