Courage not confidence: Lillehammer that's a wrap

It's Saturday. I left Lillehammer two days ago, I've done four washes (!) and contemplated cooking so it thought it was time to do a reflective blog on the whole experience. WARNING: this could be long so get yourself a cuppa and a biscuit.

Last day of the camp - 6 remain

'Courage not confidence' - the name of this blog post was my mantra if you like throughout the two weeks in Lillehammer. It's a phrase a friend of mine told me a while back when I was nervous about starting to compete in long jump again and she reminded me of it just before I left for Lillehammer. Lots of people (especially athletes) believe that in order to succeed at something you must have confidence in your ability. Now whilst I don't disagree with this idea it didn't really help me with the task ahead; sliding down a mountain head first because I had never done it before so how could I be confident in my ability?

This is where courage comes in. Wikipedia (that ever so reliable source) tells me that Courage is, 'the ability and willingness to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty and intimidation'. Yea that sounds better. I think skeleton ticks all those boxes and I was certainly scared (amongst other things) about the experience ahead. So I just had to be courageous - I could do that. And that is how 'courage not confidence became my mantra'. I used it at several points throughout the trip. The first slide (obviously) - that was crazy! But also the 2nd and 3rd because knowing what you were about to encounter initially required a new level of courage to press on in the knowledge that you were about to hurtle down, out of control and hitting walls all the way. Slide 7 which I wrote about in a blog also required some bravery as I was apprehensive since hurting my ankle the day before and having seen some my teammates get in to difficulties prior to my run.

A rather beautiful shot of corner 13 (I think) - the problem corner.

The day we first moved up the track - that progression made everyone nervous as did going from the top for the first time. Now at this point confidence (to an extent) was building. However, with each new challenge it was back to needing courage as we were once again in the realms of the unknown. 

Chloe going from the top!

Near to the end I also used courage for a different reason. I was repeatedly hitting my left hand out of 13 and was left with a rather fat hand which resembled a pigs trotter (still does). Conscious that others had ended up with broken bones/strained ligaments already on the trip and also that I wasn't managing to avoid this hit I made a call on two occasions to stop sliding to protect my hand. On the second to last day I did 2/3 slides and on the last day I just did 1/3. 

Nursing my fat hand

Why did this require courage? Well because don't forget the 6 of us were all under scrutiny for selection for the British Skeleton Talent Squad - that's what the whole trip was about. And I was putting myself at a disadvantage by missing slides. Fortunately the coaching staff all supported and encouraged my decision; they told me 'they'd seen enough' and that 'one more slide isn't going to change anything'. Now whether was they'd seen was enough to select or not select me I don't know but at least there was no pressure to slide and risk breaking my hand. After hitting my ankle on the 6th run back on day 1 and saying to Carrie our team manager that I shouldn't have done that run; it was pushing my luck I think I learnt from that experience and do not regret not taking runs on the final two days. Talk about being sensible!

When I left for Lillehammer I promised myself that I would feel, not think about this experience. I can honestly say I have never gone through so many emotions in such a short space of time. Fear, excitement, anticipation, enjoyment, pain, frustration, laughter, sadness, achievement, pride; I felt them all. And when I was asked by the coaching staff on the last day whether I wanted to continue in the sport I answered without hesitation (no thinking!) 'Yes, definitely'. The prospect of spending a year learning the sport and training hard excites me - where can I go in this sport? I had 22 runs out in Lillehammer. That equates to about 22 minutes of sliding - how crazy is that?! The progression from run 1 to run 22 was staggering and I am pleased with the feedback I received from the coaching staff - I am particularly proud of my form which was consistently good (no idea why!?). So what will I be like after run 100? I really hope I get to find out. 

Some of my fave non sliding shots!

I won't know until just before Christmas - the 22nd or 23rd maybe. The boys are currently out in Lillehammer doing what I have just done and making their individual bids for selection - I wish them all luck. I also wish all my fellow girls luck :) one of the things that worried me before I left was how I would feel living with up to 8 other girls all of whom were quite a lot younger than me. I shouldn't have wasted my energy because they were fab to be with and to be honest made the trip - I haven't laughed so much in such a long time! We all went through the ringer at some point or another but we also all supported one another - it did not feel like a competition. I've definitely made some friends for life as well as developing an unhealthy addiction to biscuits and tea at every opportunity.

Anyway until the 22/23 Dec that's me for the #power2podium stuff. If I get in amazing - a new journey will begin. If not then what an experience it was. Something I'd never change and won't ever forget. And I'll always hold the fastest speed over the two weeks out of the girls down that track - 111.5 kph! So if nothing else I'll take that and go back to my life here (which is pretty darn good).

 Fingers crossed I'll get to wear a race suit for real.